"our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

take me, use me, do whatever you want to with me and then trade me in..

Being on the receiving end of this and also being the one trying to convince our society it is wrong can at times be extremely exhausting, overwhelming, hurtful and to be honest there are times i think is it even worth it!? Is this ever going to change...How are we STILL having to talk about the same issues over and over and over again. It is so encouraging and quite the relief when you come across a man who also gets it! He speaks the same language i hear so many women tiresomely trying to communicate. I think i get so excited hearing a man speak about this because it straight away eliminates the usually defensive response i so often get from men.. "are you only interested in slagging men?" "why are you targeting men?" "are there no good men out there?" "man-hater" etc etc...

I just wanted to share a few of the points a man has made about the way men view women...

Women are viewed, talked about and sung about like a commodity.

COMMODITY=  take it, use it how ever i want and then trade it in for greater value. 

Every single day men are getting this message about women:

"Take me, use me, do whatever you want with me and then trade me in..."

Men, if you have any song that refers to a woman as a bitch or a whore, it needs to be erased from your playlist forever, in every country that there has been genocide and/or slavery, do you know where it begins? Someone has come along and dehumanised an individual by ascribing a label to that person. We should be so extraordinarily intolerant to those kind of labels and that kind of behaviour that it shouldn't exist in our culture. Men if you continue to entertain yourself with terminology and phrases that talk about women as bitches and whores, guess how you're eventually going to give yourself permission on how to treat them? by the label you've given them.

A culture that is comfortable referring to a woman as a whore or a bitch is a culture of lesser value.

Now lets talk about porn (erotic imagery)

Every time you sit down and entertain yourself with pics if naked women, you're at 'school' And in this particular school you're learning three very important lessons...

  1. A REAL BODY isn't good enough
  2. ONE BODY isn't good enough
  3. YOUR WIFE'S/WIFE'S TO BE BODY isn't good enough

If you want to look forward to a fantastic romantic relationship with a woman down the road, the best thing you can do is to CHECK OUT OF THIS SCHOOL!! This school sets you up for extraordinary disappointment.

A constant argument is that "it does't hurt anyone"

Now research is coming out and...

UH OH! you spend enough time learning these 3 lessons and something actually changes chemically in a man's mind.

UH OH! This is destroying marriages.

UH OH! REAL women can't compete with these images.

UH OH! This may not actually be a "past-time", this may be creating a pathway to something.

Men it leads you to view women as a COMMODITY

Porn is essentially a drug, it deadens your desire for REAL women.

And yes this doesn't just affect the minds of men, it affects the minds of women too. Women who are in relationships with men who view porn wake up thinking "i have to compete with thousands of women who don't really exist" "Is my body good enough compared to the thousands of women he sees?" "Will i ever be enough for him?" "what is wrong with me!?" "will any man ever be satisfied by a real woman? if not what does that mean for us?" It is ultimate betrayal to any woman if her partner looks at porn and is considered as cheating. So how can a woman stay in a healthy relationship with a man that is consistently being unfaithful? How can you build a trusting, loving, caring, honouring and respectful relationship on that foundation? 

Over-time you will destroy your own desire for a REAL woman and women simply become a COMMODITY for you!

If you would like to hear more from men who are talking about these real truths about pornography here is the full message from Andy Stanley on this topic:

Also here is a fantastic book from Glen Gerreyn 

I don't believe that men truly want an empty, soulless relationship with a real woman. Unfortunately there aren't many places men can turn for a good example of healthy sexuality and masculinity. 
I hope to create healthy spaces for men to open up and seek the true understanding of how women are to be viewed and treated. I don't at ALL blame the men for being this way, i blame the culture that has trained them to be this way. Men are not inherently born this way. So if we can break down the negative messages they have received i believe we will uncover a true form of masculinity as it was designed to be. 

Monday, July 1, 2013

girls can't cope in a copy/paste culture

never before have we experienced such an anxious and depressed generation of girls. 

Rates of eating disorders, self harm, dieting, depression and premature sexual activity are on the rise. Girls younger and younger are wanting to get plastic surgery and are incredibly anxious about the way their bodies look. 

Are we surprised though? Everywhere we turn there is pressure from all sides about the body of a woman. 

Women believe they exist in a one-dimensional version of themselves. They are there to be gazed upon by men. 
The female body is a beautiful thing and should never be shamed, but that is not all that a woman is. Everywhere we look we are being told you are as good as your body looks, and in doing so we are bringing up a generation of very sick girls. 

I just started a job supervising girls boarding in a school in Sydney, i fear that these girls childhood's have been ripped away from them far too soon. The whole weekend, unless for assigned sport, these girls would not leave Facebook or their mobile phones. Young people are growing up on a highly sexualised diet. The harms of that are life altering. 

Here is the organisation I am apart of:


Please support us in our fight for a world free of sexploitation 

Friday, June 28, 2013

LEGENDS FOOTBALL LEAGUE: Just because he has removed the garter, the choker and the frills doesn’t mean he’s removed the sexism

Sexism dressed up as sport like a wolf dressed up in sheepskin

But Mitch Mortaza isn’t interested in dressing full stop, he’s more interested in getting rid of the clothes.

“However despite the branding shift, it is understood that women trying out for the team must supply a full-length bikini shot to be sent back to the US LFL with an application disclosing any tattoos and social networking profiles”

Just because he has removed the garter, the choker and the frills, doesn’t mean he’s removed the dirty stigma connected to where this idea came from.

“It was originally a half-time gimmick. Mitch teamed up with Hugh Heffner and had the playmates dress up and pretend to play football”
 (Regan Webb, Queensland Brigade coach)

Legends Football League is all about exploiting the female body for a profit.

Women are so desperate to raise their public profile they are willing to lower their standards to those that resemble the sex industry.
Is this really the example we want to set for young Australian women? That in order to gain attention you must first lower your standards and your dignity?

I’ve heard many women argue It’s liberation! It’s empowerment!
Having dirty, filthy men drool over you, spit sexists jokes at you and hang on to the edge of their seat in hope to see some tits and arse…if that’s liberation and empowerment then we have a much greater battle on our hands, and I’m very afraid of the society we are creating for the generations to come.

Do women really not respect themselves enough to fight for a place in the sporting world that allows them to keep their clothes on!?

“ We all like Lingerie Football…but it’s still called LFL and I think it will always have that image of chicks playing football while not wearing very much”.
 (Johanna Theobald, who plays tight end)

the real measure of beauty

what kind of woman do you want to be?

Thursday, June 27, 2013

generation xxx **strong trigger warning**

"Sibling sex abuse is now recognised as the most common form of intra-familial sexual abuse"

(image retrieved from: gallianoswhore.tumblr.com)

Are we really surprised though?! When boys are being exposed to rape porn, incest porn, bestiality, torture porn at the ages of 11 and sometimes much younger. Boys are growing up on a diet of porn and it is breeding them into a brutal, callous version of masculinity. It is messing their brains up so much they are acting out on their own siblings!!

I have attached the link to this article in the SMH where Benjamin Law talks to the victims and the perpetrators of sibling sexual abuse. If the next generation is growing up with the empathy smashed out of them, then what hope do any of them have of forming a healthy idea of sex. When a child isn't even safe to be around it's own siblings there is something seriously wrong! If you have to be wary about your children bathing together in fear that this will create an environment for abuse to occur then how will a child ever feel safe and protected.

Reading this article creates great fear in me of why this is happening? 
What happened to that family bond that consisted of love, protection, innocence, fun, kindness, the kind of attitude that was "i will do anything for my family" How have we grown to be a society that smashes all of those 'family' qualities and instead replaces them with sexual and physical abuse? This is deeply disturbing and the long-term damage will unfortunately pass on from generation to generation.

"In Australia, the New Street Adolescent Service - a NSW program addressing under-18s who have sexually abused people - consistently finds that roughly 50 per cent of their clients' victims are siblings." 

If you know or are a victim of sibling abuse, it is not your fault and no, it is not ok! 
Please find someone who is safe to disclose with and find some help and protection.

Here are a few contacts if you do need help:



Tuesday, June 25, 2013

a message for the girls...be brave!

The last week i have had the honour of joining Melinda Tankard Reist at Sutherland Shire Christian School and Hunter Valley Grammar School, to speak to young people about the issue of the representation of women and girls in the media and popular culture (See more here: http://melindatankardreist.com/)

I was able to share a little bit about the Tyler the Creator campaign i have recently been involved in. 

I was so encouraged by the response of the young girls at Sutherland Shire Christian School. Some girls shared with me how they found hope, inspiration and power to change the things in this world.

And that is why i stood up to Tyler the Creator and why i will continue to stand up and speak out against a culture that makes men believe it is sexy, fun and enjoyable to engage in violence against women. If i can encourage just one girl to say no, and fight against what boys are trying to force upon her then it is all worth it. She is worth it.

A study shows that people who listen to this type of music i.e 'Tyler the Creator' they are more likely to engage in premature sexual activity.

If those 'people' are the boys in your life, (and from the sessions at the 2 school there were a large majority of boys who listened to Tyler the Creator) it is likely to be you that they will attempt to act out their fantasies on.

The decisions you make now around premature sexual activity hold great consequences. I know it is so hard to see or understand the true weight of what those consequences hold in your future.

But i am here after experiencing the effect that media and pornography have had on the men and boys in my life to tell you...





Choosing this path will not always be easy though, you may not always be the most liked, or the most popular. And you will doubt your decision. But PLEASE keep being brave! And please know, what you are doing is right, it is worth it! when you get through those years at school and you never have to see those boys again you will wish you didn't give them a piece of you that is so precious. Because a boy that doesn't respect you enough to not grab your arse, to not ask for a picture of your tits, to not abuse you when you're drunk, to not say sexists, degrading jokes towards you, does not deserve to have any part of you! girls respect yourself enough to not give in to these lies that tell you, you need this attention from a boy to feel loved and accepted, it will only leave you hurt, broken and used.

You are allowed to get angry about this. We need more young girls who will get angry about this and not put up with what has become so grossly accepted as 'normal' within our society.

Monday, May 27, 2013

the porn experiment...and we're the test dummies

Pornogrpahy is a social experiment with unknown long-term consequences

Children are viewing women as objects and developing permissive attitudes to sex after being raised on a "diet of pornography". - (The Sydney Morning Herald)

"Pornography is breeding a callous, brutal version of masculinity"
- Melinda Tankard Reist

We are seeing more and more in the media of what has been a grossly under-reported area. 
How much more harm needs to be done before the Government takes responsibility. The internet has no filter in place and companies and advertising are under a law that doesn't require any form of regulation. This means that the scum in the sex industry can manipulate all areas of the web to ensure that even if a child is not "looking" for pornography, pornography will find them.

They have conducted experiments that target the most common typing errors children make so that when they do so they will be sent directly to a porn site. Porn sites these days include rape porn, torture porn, and bestiality...

"If we continue to subject further generations of young men to great barrages of aggressive, misogynist, over-sexualised and violent imagery in pornography, movies, computer games and advertising, we will continue to see rates of sexual violence against women and children that continue unabated today or worse."

- Alison Grundy

Here are some recent articles that highlight damaging consequences of pornography:


-Steve Biddulph 

Monday, February 11, 2013

dear porn star...will you be my valentine?

no need for chocolates, roses, a card, or any other romantic gesture for that matter

dear porn star...will you be my valentine?

what do you mean you can't!?
didn't we just have a connection?

I think about you ALL the time!
when i'm on the toilet, in the shower, in bed, even when i'm making love to my wife!

What!? that orgasm was fake? But i swear you were enjoying it!
What do you mean you're being abused and physically damaged??
I thought you loved it!

with valentine's day being just around the corner, everyone who has a partner will be planning how to show that special someone how much they love them, telling them you are the love of my life, you're my one and only..etc.

But, between your partner and all those girls you watch in porn, who will you choose to ask to be your valentine? your actual girlfriend/partner/wife or your pretend porn star girlfriend? cause i mean, they both give you pleasure right? you're connecting on some sort of level to both, you're giving a part of your sexual desire to both...so which one will it be?

oh! but wait! how will you actually ask your pretend porn star girlfriend to be your valentine? i'm pretty sure she doesn't actually know who you are, and to be honest i doubt she would really want to.
But you're giving so much of your time to her! you're connecting that chemical that goes from your brain all the way down to your penis with her...that must really suck that all this energy, emotion and pleasure is going to someone who can't give you anything back in return. But maybe that's what you like about it, maybe you like that she's hassle free, she doesn't talk back to you, you can switch her on and off with a click of the mouse. You can get an imitation version of what a real woman is. Hmm well i guess that makes you not a real man then, and i guess then you don't deserve a real woman.

Pornography is a weak man's excuse to fulfil some sort of void in his life, it ultimately ends with creating so much damage to a man's soul, mind and at times body, that all you are left with is a shell of what could have been a real, passionate, driven, honest, trustworthy man. 

There is so much pain and destruction caused by porn and unfortunately too many men are caught by the snare of pornography and because they don't talk to anyone about it, they find themselves going deeper and deeper into a place of darkness that they don't quite understand, but deep down they know something isn't quite right.

There are a lot of men who are daily fighting against the lie of pornography and are making choices to honour the women in their lives and choose them over the pretend porn star girlfriend.

So this valentine's day who will you ask to be your valentine?

(below are some links to websites that will give you more information about the harms of pornography and how to get help)

Saturday, February 9, 2013

yes... shock and tears!

he sees a woman across the room, knows immediately that it is "she".
He drops the relationship he has, pursues her, feels wild excitement, passion, beating heart, obsession.
After a few months, everything collapses; she becomes an ordinary woman.
He is confused and puzzled.
Then he sees once more a radiant face across the room, and the old certainty comes again.
- Iron John

(retrieved from 'Wild at Heart' p.91)

Isn't this story a little too familiar? but i guess what do we expect when pornography is constantly offering men a new, exciting, different experience of 'woman' with just the click of a button... the only problem is, this experience of 'woman' is fake. It is developing the misconception that no matter who a man finds there will always be a more exciting, hot, version out there somewhere, so no need to really be a man and fight for the one beauty you have committed to, cause if you do that... "mate! you are missing out!... there are sooo many to choose from, why would you ever settle." Little do they realise each time they do this they are throwing away a piece of their soul they can't get back, and in the process they are stealing away a piece of that woman's passion, desire, and true beauty that she has to offer, throwing it on the ground and stomping all over it...

"this is a picture of a wounded, famished man. It is the paragon of selfishness. He offers nothing and takes everything". 
(John Eldredge, 'Wild at Heart' p.95 & 187) 

every man has an adventure to live...

every man has a battle to fight, a beauty to rescue and an adventure to live...
These are the main chapters in the book Wild at Heart.

The last couple of weeks i've made my way through this eye opening book into discovering the secrets of a man's soul. John Eldredge uncovers the true burning desire that we all have in us, to be living life as if it were an adventure not a problem to solve. This book is mainly focused on men and trying to bring healing to wounds formed by their fathers, and encouraging them to fight the battle, win the beauty and live life to the fullest. It has been incredibly impacting. Both men and women can learn a whole lot of truth from this book about the deep cry of our souls for a relationship that has real depth, commitment, raw honesty and a true warrior spirit that says I WILL FIGHT FOR YOU! a reoccurring topic in this book is that of pornography. It is the number one killer in the souls of men. 

"why is pornography the number one snare for men? He longs for the beauty, but without his fierce and passionate heart he cannot find her or win her or keep her.
Though he is powerfully drawn to the woman, he does not know how to fight for her or even that he is to fight for her.
Instead, he privately, secretly, turns to the imitation.
What makes pornography so additive is that more than anything else in a lost man's life, it makes him feel like a man without ever requiring a thing from him. 
The less a guy feels like a real man in the presence of a real woman, the more vulnerable he is to porn."
(Wild at Heart p.44)

Thursday, February 7, 2013

little girl


Little girl, little girl, where did you go?
I hate what the world has done to you
You’ve buried your heart so that only you know 

I hate what the world has done

Little girl, little girl, where is your pride?
I hate what those people have said to you
You took all your tears and you hid them inside
I hate what those people have said

Little girl, little girl, where is your youth?
I hate how they pressured and pushed you
You jumped too far in without knowing the truth
I hate how they pressured and pushed

Little girl, little girl, where is your face?
I hate that you’ve hidden the real you
Your edited show’s a synthetic disgrace
I hate that you’ve hidden yourself

Little girl, little girl, where is your smile?
 I hate that the sorrow is hurting you

You cut and take drugs and you starve for a while
 I hate that the sorrow is hurting

Little girl, little girl, lost and alone
I hate what the world has done to you
Throwing your heart to the wild and unknown
 I hate what the world has done.

Friday, January 25, 2013

love love love...

galatians five.verse.six 

the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

a little bit of hope can go a long way

the rotting process of childhood

It starts with a man entering an adult store stumbling upon a sex toy that is advertised as a teenagers vagina. 
He purchases this item, takes it home with him and begins to fantasize about having sex with a teenage girl or depending on how young the girls are in the porn he watches she may be even younger. 
Once this toy no longer begins to satisfy him, if he isn't already he will find the next best thing to a fake vagina...a real one, a young girls one. 
He probably won't get caught for what he has done, because usually young girls are too afraid to speak out against their abusers. 
This pervert will continue to abuse little girls, one by one destroying their lives, stripping them of their innocence, stealing their virginity and beginning the rotting process of their self worth, their image, their mind and their souls.

Below is the link to Melinda Tankard Reist's Blog, here you will find the full report on 'The Condom Kingdom' who is selling the Vibrating Lolita Teenage Vagina.
Are we seriously encouraging the sexual abuse of teenage girls!! 
Are we as human beings truly that demented that we can't see the harm in this, and doing everything in our power to stop these kind of products from appearing anywhere else besides in the corrupt, effed up minds of the people who first came up with it.

don't let anyone stop you..