Being on the receiving end of this and also being the one trying to convince our society it is wrong can at times be extremely exhausting, overwhelming, hurtful and to be honest there are times i think is it even worth it!? Is this ever going to change...How are we STILL having to talk about the same issues over and over and over again. It is so encouraging and quite the relief when you come across a man who also gets it! He speaks the same language i hear so many women tiresomely trying to communicate. I think i get so excited hearing a man speak about this because it straight away eliminates the usually defensive response i so often get from men.. "are you only interested in slagging men?" "why are you targeting men?" "are there no good men out there?" "man-hater" etc etc...
I just wanted to share a few of the points a man has made about the way men view women...
Women are viewed, talked about and sung about like a commodity.
COMMODITY= take it, use it how ever i want and then trade it in for greater value.
Every single day men are getting this message about women:
"Take me, use me, do whatever you want with me and then trade me in..."
Men, if you have any song that refers to a woman as a bitch or a whore, it needs to be erased from your playlist forever, in every country that there has been genocide and/or slavery, do you know where it begins? Someone has come along and dehumanised an individual by ascribing a label to that person. We should be so extraordinarily intolerant to those kind of labels and that kind of behaviour that it shouldn't exist in our culture. Men if you continue to entertain yourself with terminology and phrases that talk about women as bitches and whores, guess how you're eventually going to give yourself permission on how to treat them? by the label you've given them.
A culture that is comfortable referring to a woman as a whore or a bitch is a culture of lesser value.
Now lets talk about porn (erotic imagery)
Every time you sit down and entertain yourself with pics if naked women, you're at 'school' And in this particular school you're learning three very important lessons...
- A REAL BODY isn't good enough
- ONE BODY isn't good enough
- YOUR WIFE'S/WIFE'S TO BE BODY isn't good enough
If you want to look forward to a fantastic romantic relationship with a woman down the road, the best thing you can do is to CHECK OUT OF THIS SCHOOL!! This school sets you up for extraordinary disappointment.
A constant argument is that "it does't hurt anyone"
Now research is coming out and...
UH OH! you spend enough time learning these 3 lessons and something actually changes chemically in a man's mind.
UH OH! This is destroying marriages.
UH OH! REAL women can't compete with these images.
UH OH! This may not actually be a "past-time", this may be creating a pathway to something.
Men it leads you to view women as a COMMODITY
Porn is essentially a drug, it deadens your desire for REAL women.
And yes this doesn't just affect the minds of men, it affects the minds of women too. Women who are in relationships with men who view porn wake up thinking "i have to compete with thousands of women who don't really exist" "Is my body good enough compared to the thousands of women he sees?" "Will i ever be enough for him?" "what is wrong with me!?" "will any man ever be satisfied by a real woman? if not what does that mean for us?" It is ultimate betrayal to any woman if her partner looks at porn and is considered as cheating. So how can a woman stay in a healthy relationship with a man that is consistently being unfaithful? How can you build a trusting, loving, caring, honouring and respectful relationship on that foundation?
Over-time you will destroy your own desire for a REAL woman and women simply become a COMMODITY for you!
If you would like to hear more from men who are talking about these real truths about pornography here is the full message from Andy Stanley on this topic:
Also here is a fantastic book from Glen Gerreyn
I don't believe that men truly want an empty, soulless relationship with a real woman. Unfortunately there aren't many places men can turn for a good example of healthy sexuality and masculinity.
I hope to create healthy spaces for men to open up and seek the true understanding of how women are to be viewed and treated. I don't at ALL blame the men for being this way, i blame the culture that has trained them to be this way. Men are not inherently born this way. So if we can break down the negative messages they have received i believe we will uncover a true form of masculinity as it was designed to be.